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Mind the Gap

September 15, 2009

I’m an exaggerator.  I exaggerate.  

I fully admit this and believe it is a charming part of my personality.  If you know me personally, you know that when I say “a million”, I really mean like, five and when I say “ginormous” I mean any person or thing bigger than myself (which at 5’3″ is mostly everything–see? Another exaggeration).

But let me just precede this next statement with the following caveat– I’m not exaggerating this time.  Seriously.  For reals.  I’m not shitting you.

And here it is:

We have been remodeling our master bathroom for over three years.  

Let me say it again for emphasis:


Let’s see. It started, oh I don’t know, just over three years ago, with the realization that Brent and I were in love and we could save a ton of money on gas if I moved into his house. He said I could bring my Monkey and that sounded good to me, so I started packing up my condo.

The house was built in the 1980’s and had never been updated until Brent bought it in 2003. He immediately replaced the hideous tile in the entryway and completely re-did the main floor powder room.  But the home improvements fell to the wayside soon after those projects.

Being the sweet, adoring man that he is, Brent wanted to give me a brand new bathroom to start our new life together.

So we gutted the master bathroom.  GUTTED IT.

We took out the sink and vanity, removed the toilet, pulled up tile and carpet (yes, carpet in the bathroom…that’s just wrong) and even took out a wall–I’m such a badass with a sledgehammer.

Believe me when I say that I realized that this “little” project (now that’s an under-exaggeration; I can do this all day people) would take some time, leaving our newly formed family of five (including a teenage daughter) with only one working bathroom for a while.  But we quickly learned the boy/girl/girl, mom/dad routine and willingly made privacy, hot water and time allotment concessions because we could all envision the beautiful, new bathroom that would soon come to fruition.

But here we are, over three years later, and still no bathroom.

WTF? you ask.

To make a long story short, we’ve hit a few road blocks on this DIY journey– two ruptured discs, a faux finish nightmare I refer to as the Crapple Crackle Debacle, a severe case of the Epstein Barr, and myriad other home improvement projects including a complete remodel of the only other full bathroom in our home because “we use it so much.”  

In the interest of making progress and, dare I say, completing this project, we spent our entire second wedding anniversary at The Great Indoors buying everything from a toilet paper holder to a FABULOUS cast iron sink to go atop our new espresso bathroom vanity.  The salesman, who hopefully made a large commission for putting up with us for 4 straight hours, was worried when he found out the sink was on backorder for 45 days.  I put his mind at ease.  

“45 days?  That’s nothing? Let me tell you a story…”  and I proceeded to vomit the last three years of my life all over him.

Anyway, the sink actually came in about a week early and just in time for me to make a weekend trek up to F’n Wyoming for a dysfunctional family reunion with Ellwood and Judy.  Brent was on his own and I was expecting running water and a flushable toilet when I returned in spite of the fact that the U.S. Open was on. But instead, I got the Gap.


Because of the tile baseboards (which I laid and grouted myself, BTW), and the vanity being 8” off the ground, the vanity does not sit flush against the back wall.  And because of that, the rounded edges of our FABULOUS sink create a one-inch gap.  One GD inch.

So this upcoming weekend will be spent tiling a backsplash behind the sink to close the Gap.  The good news is that we found some really cool mini tiles for the backsplash.  The bad news is I still can’t pee in private.


3 Comments leave one →
  1. Lisa permalink
    September 15, 2009 6:02 pm

    LOL, no way! I don’t want you to complete this bathroom because it gives me so much entertainment. Just sayin…… :~)


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